There is a certain someone who enters my prayers often. Endless evenings God and I stay up till wee hours of the evening talking about this young man and dreaming up hopes for his future. Tonight, this is my prayer for him.
I pray your heart is healing not hardening,
that your young mind will know his voice for all your years to come.
I pray your tears are filled with joy,
that you are comforted with memories which will never be forgotten.
I pray the consequences of his dream will never sway you from following your own,
that his passion for life, adventure, and learning will follow you.
I pray you are surrounded with men that will positively influence you,
men who will take you under their wing and teach you the same way he would have.
I pray you and your family find peace,
that through all the pain you are surrounded with love.
I pray you grow through this together, not apart,
that the trageties of life remind you all to find the beauty in it as well.
I pray as you look at those hands of time,
that your memories rewind, yet your future moves forward.
I pray you grow to be a man of faith, integrity, and character,
that you become the person who would make him more than proud.
I pray for you as you shed your tears
I pray along side of you
because I pray the same prayers
and tonight I pray my prayers somehow find their way to you…
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I was blessed beyond blessed almost a year ago when a certain handsome someone came prancing into my world, unannounced and uninvited. You see, I had got this whole independent life all figured out and I quite enjoyed doing things at my own pace. Besides, I had been in a relationship or two throughout the years and truly felt nothing that connected me enough to another person or inspired me to try again. I simply was not interested in a relationship at this point and I was content doing life on my own.
Suddenly the gift of a bull-headed, tender-hearted man landed in my lap and I was instantly enamoured. Our long-running two-way crush had brought this man to my mind a handful of times throughout the years but our relationship was fulfilling enough as a friendship so neither one of us pursued anything further. This year however we decided to change that and I can honestly say it is one of the best decisions I have made in my life so far. I am head over heals for this BIRTHDAY BOY and thrilled beyond measure to be sharing life with him.
I cannot tell you how many times in the last eight months I have said to people “I don’t know a man in the world who would trade positions with Quinn right now” and really, it is the truth. Quinn and I were in a fairly new relationship when my Dad fell out of the sky and suddenly our fun little dating world turned into emotionally deep roller-coaster. Poor Quinn was trapped in his seat – front row, bars down, seat belts locked. What impresses me the most is that at any point, Quinn could have yelled for help and jumped off the ride whenever he wanted, but he choose not too, as a matter of fact he held on tight and sometimes even lifted his arms embracing the ride right along side of me.
SO I would like to wish my handsome man a very happy birthday. I am filled with gratitude at the strength he has given me, at the gift of friendship he has offered in my most difficult time, and at the ability to bring out in me the capacity to open up and be vulnerable, to laugh through the darkness, and to share my tears with another person.
Happy Birthday to my dearest friend – today truly is a day worth celebrating.
After twenty years when all the other names have faded away,
yours is the only one that remains…
Let this be true for my heart as well
This one word is something my heart yearns to have experienced, although I often wonder am I sad to have never heard the word or am I actually truly grateful?
I cant imagine watching my father say goodbye. Above anything, goodbye would have been the hardest part for him and it destroys me to picture what that may have looked like. Almost every night I am grateful I never had to watch my Dad say goodbye; not for me, but for him. However when the greed of my sorrow comes in, goodbye is all I want to hear. To hear the endless love, to embrace the last hug, to hold his hand in his final moments, to dream with him about the beauty of our soon-to-be reunion day.
For me I wish I could have had a goodbye, for him I am glad it never came.
Watching Oprah today I was overwhelmed with emotion as she replayed videotapes of Erin Kramps home videos saying goodbye to her daughter. Erin Kramp was diagnosed with breast cancer and was given a short window of time to live. The mother in her dedicated endless hours to capture her heart on both video and audio tapes as a gift for her daughter to treasure forever. She poured out her love, her advice, her encouragements, and her hopes for her family on these tapes. She offered her daughter an immeasurable gift and as I watched these tapes I couldn’t help as my heart was filled with an endless ache wishing those videos were made for me.
I often wonder, in the big picture, who was responsible for shooting down my father. Is it fate, is our time written out for us, is it the greater evil…or is someone actually waging war on my family? I look at the four of us sometimes and I wonder, is this gunman still hanging around? Will he shoot another one of us down, or will he slowly poison us with the reminder of his previous conquests?
Are the four of us girls a big enough army to stand against such darkness? I believe we are, I believe we will come out on top, I believe we are strong enough to fight this battle. But sometimes in the suffocating silence, I feel the presence of an unwelcome guest and I wonder if it is the same predator just patiently waiting for an unguarded moment to attack.
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Though trials come, though fears assail
Though tests scarce understood
One truth shines clear; it cannot fail-
My God is right and good.