Monthly Archives: January 2010


We may think at times that the only thing life offers us tomorrow, is to repeat everything we did today. But if we pay close attention, we will see that no two days are alike.  Each morning brings a hidden blessing; a blessing which is unique to that day, and which cannot be kept or re-used. If we do not use this miracle today, it will be lost.

“Modern man tried to eliminate life’s uncertainties and doubts. And in doing so he left his soul dying of hunger; the soul feeds off mysteries” – says the dean of Saint Francis Cathedral.

Paul Coelho, the author of my heart wrote this on his blog yesterday.  It made me smile, as his words always do.

Oh yeah and these pictures, this is what I do when im bored on a Friday night, NBD.  Oh only kidding folks, I was playing around with this cute little website (laphotocabine) while I waited FOREVER for someone to get their butt ready!


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Kickin’ it crab style!

Ive never been a horoscope person or into astrology at all.  Actually one of my biggest pet peeves is when men ask me what my sign is and then proceed to tell me all the wonderful things about it and how compatible I am with their sign.  I dont believe in it because I think its garbage but I also think im mad at the whole astrology world and why they made my birthday into such a rip off.  Im born July 12th, 1983 which means I am a cancer, my sign is a crab, and my year is the boar.  Cancer, crab, pig….yeah, pretty much throw me into anyone of those categories and im not interested.  Oh and to top it all off my gem/jewel/stone (or whatever the heck they refer to it as) is a ruby.  Who wants to be a freakin ruby?  My sister is a diamond for goodness sake!

I was having a conversation with a friend today though and he said something about crabs that I kinda liked.  When I told him I was a crab he got so excited “ohhh those are my favorites” he eagerly exclaimed (ironically my ears are open to being a crab when favorite and me are mentioned in the same sentence).  He goes on to explain that crabs are special because they are so hard on the outside and so tender on the inside.  How you can knock away on a crabs shell and they either retract or snap back but they dont go soft from pressure.  You need to cook them up, tenderize them a bit, then you get to the soft yummy stuff.  Thats me.  I know I can be a bit hard on the outside, I dont let many people in and even some of my closest rarely see me at my weakest.  Sometimes my demeanor comes off as much harder than I would like as well, but if you get to know me you realize quickly the person on the outside is not the person on the inside.

Im trying to be more like a cooked crab.  I like having a bit of a harder shell, but if im cooked up enough the shell becomes somewhat soft and not impossibly hard.  Being softer, not retracting, not snapping back so quickly, those are all things I continue to work on.  But in classic crab style Im still the softest for people who are patient enough to bring the mini forks and nutcrackers out to work for the good stuff themselves.  Its a work in progress but I think this little crab is doing pretty well in a little bit of boiling water

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Where have you been hiding?

Come out, come out wherever you are….

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My little nest…

Once upon a time I was a snotty little teenage girl.  As a snotty little teenage girl I used to enjoy having randomly huge temper tantrums complete with yelling, stomping of the feet, and slamming of the doors.  My Dad would warn me that if I kept disrespecting him and his house like that he would take my door away.  Unfortunately, around the words “if you” all I started to hear was a ringing in my ears and “blah blah blah” so I never quite believed him or even heard him for that matter.  Then it happened.  I slammed the door and my Dad came barreling up the stairs with a screwdriver in hand (or whatever manly tool boys use to take doors off the hinges) and poof, just like that my door was gone.  My perfect little happy place, my private nest, my bedroom was ruined and exposed…I hated it.

On that day a few things happened.  One, I slept in my crammed closet cause it had a door and I wanted to make my parents feel bad (although I dont even think they noticed), two, I learnt to stop slamming my door (for at least a week or so which is basically the extent of retaining consequences at that age), and three, I learnt to treasure my room, to take good care of it, to make it look how it made me feel.  And so I did, I began to fill it with the wonders of my mind and the treasures of my world.  As an adult (who is most definitely NOT in her late twenties) I still do the same.  My room is filled with the magic my life has been, it has tokens from all over the world, with random photos that make me smile and antiques that make me dream of the many people who owned them first.  It is colorful, completely one of a kind, a little tacky, and so very beautiful.  

If it were up to me I would keep my room at my parents house forever (and not just so they can house my homeless butt when I come home from random trips) but so I can look back and see my world evolve.  Certain pictures go up and certain ones are taken down.  My shelves attain the company of new treasures and old ones get thrown away or stored.  As my room fills and changes I look back and see my life.  In that one small room I see where my world has taken me, I recognize old pains, and see memorabilia from my favorite life moments.  My bedroom is one of my favorite places, one of my happiest places and as I look for a new place of my own I am already getting a little nervous to pack my room up for good and start a new room out there all over again. 

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The men that make me smile…

What a perfect Sunday!  This morning was an early rise for an awesome service at church and then off to spend some time with a certain birthday boy.  The day was filled with junk food and movies followed by an equally lazy evening with too much talking on the phone and peeing my pants over FOTC.  These two men have the ability to have me keeled over in seconds, even in my most foul moods!  

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Realization of the week…



…its all in your frame of mind!

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Boys and Dating Toys

Had a great dinner with a friend the other night and got to talking about dating.  My wheels have been turning for a while now as to what and who I want to date next (haha as if its some hockey roster) and Ive began writing up a few golden rules in my head trying to figure it out.  Lately ive tried doing a list of things that I want in a relationship but quite frankly I sucked at it.  If I knew what I wanted, I would have it already.  Sure I want all those qualities that most people talk about (funny, creative, friendship, blah blah) but there are also qualities that are so wonderful, big and captivating that I have never been introduced too or could even imagine, so I dont even know that I want them yet (which is so exciting for me).  What I have figured out is what I dont want.

I’ve had conversations with some of my friends that blog about the rules of blogging about your heart.  Where do you draw the line on things you feel, want to express, and therapeutically spew from your mouth online?  Dating for me has always been a kind of off limits topic on my blog.  And then I realized why the heck would it be.  Gosh, if some guy I date a couple times wants to google my butt and pick up a few tips for the future, by all means be my guest, it makes it easier on me! So on that note here is a peek at my list….oh and a forewarning, tact on these matters isn’t exactly my greatest strength.

One:  This one is number one for a reason cause it always friggin well happens.  If I can have you, I dont want you.  This doesn’t last forever so don’t push your luck but in the beginning don’t hand yourself over on some platter.  Im sure your a handsome, funny, crazy man that has a bunch of options in women and life so realize that and act like that; confident not arrogant its so bloody charming.

Two:  Be a leader, have a voice, form opinions….state them.  Believe it or not, not all woman are not bra burning broads that want to take the reigns all the time.  As a matter of fact with my dating history it is officially safe to say it is a scientific FACT that with me if you cant lead, I cant follow, which means I lead and then we have a mess on our hands so for both of our sakes just make some decisions.

Three:  Keep me on my toes forever and always.  I get bored, I drift, I dream, the moment my life becomes redundant I run for the hills.  To have the same thing every day scares the living crap out of me so change it up and always keep me guessing.  I pretty much need to know that on any given day we can up and join the circus or move to a new continent, even if we never do it, I need to know the option is there.

Four:  Lighten up.  Please smile and laugh, be fun, create, enjoy things.  Those sensitive, dark, emotional men are captivating and I loves it, but if you cant enjoy life than I pretty much cant enjoy my time with you.

Five:  Dont be needy, for the love of God DO NOT be needy or any other word related too or sounding like needy (clingy, pouty, leach, lifeless).  Needy makes me feel claustrophobic and when I feel claustrophobic I have a tendency of making really rash decisions or moving to other countries…literally.

Six:  Get your sh*t together.  Please dont come to me all burdened and broken.  I dont care to fix you.  We all have our dysfunctions and as the story has been told in my life, a little dysfunction here or there gets me every time but moderation guys, please keep it in moderation.  We can fight through things together and all that ra-ra-ra jazz and I will always be your number one supporter  (ohh that is a lovely strength of mine) but if you come to me expecting for me to fight harder than you do at your own mess than your SOL.

Seven:  I want space.   This          much         space     !       !       !   Nothing is wrong, we dont need to talk about it, I simply like being alone sometimes and I hope you do too.  Please have your own life, dont lose your life when we meet and dont expect me to give up mine either.    S      P      A      C     E    !!!!!!

Eight:  The moment you need me more than you want me is the moment I jet.  Everyone loves to be needed and I hope to get out of self one day soon enough to need someone as well but I dont ever want to need someone more than I want them or desire them nor do I want that in a partner.

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What would you give up to feed a child?

God break my heart for the things that break Yours…

Its a prayer that has been on my heart since I was a young girl but a prayer I find myself more fervently requiring to say as I get older.  Our world is disgustingly consumer driven now, it is a place where you fend for yourself, while always trying to beat Betty from down the street (only you don’t even know her name is Betty cause you haven’t taken the time to ask).  The more you attain the more you need and yet it is a rat race we are all willing participants in.  I often have to check myself and my intentions when it comes to my financial world.  Things that I now consider needs were my Grandmothers wants in her wildest dreams.  Gross.

Unfortunately the person you are most likely to question or seek solutions from is often yourself and really when you’re the one putting yourself in these positions isn’t that a bit ironic?  We are asked to seek accountability but what are you going to do?  Am I really going to go to some kid in Africa and try to reason with him as to why I NEED at least one coffee a day for a whole month when that could feed his starving belly for a whole year and a half….literally!  And so I am trying to remember the struggles of the world and to seek in prayer the ability to understand them (or at least empathize with them) then somehow find my role in being a part of a solution.

A member in my sisters small group helped develop a program called Project Impact.  I’ve watched him work exceptionally hard and heard many stories of all the wonderful blessings this program has provided.  The whole concept behind the project is what would you give up to feed a child?  There are over twelve million orphans in Africa and feeding one of them for a month is only five dollars.  You can give up a coffee a week (my choice), a movie ticket, a pack of smokes, whatever it is and with that money you FEED A FREAKIN CHILD…how cool is that?  The website is and they have it set up really easy to navigate around.  You don’t have to sign up so its super quick, put in your mailing address, what you are choosing to give up, and they withdrawal 5 bucks from your card once a month.  It honestly took me two minutes.

Through volunteering and donating I am finding my footing in what I believe are my strengths to serve in and where my heart recognizes need.  Join in, make a donation, it’s totally worth it if you ask me and I challenge you to bring the cries of the world into your living room for a little chit chat and reality check.

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A Lot Beautiful!

My sister Christa is kinda sorta a great little photographer so while I was in Phoenix she took me to the desert to snap away.  I can talk my face off to any stranger on the street and dont mind acting a fool in front of my nearest and dearest or any joe blow, and yet for some stupid reason I am one of those people that gets all awkward and weird in front of a camera.  My smile turns dorky and my feet twist into all kinds of funk and I feel like an absolute NERD standing in some picture all by myself.  Christa managed to get a few good ones though and she did so well on them I thought I would be the proud sister and show them off.  Besides, I pleasantly woke up to a great treat of an email with a good-morning note and the picture that I posted above attached, so this morning I suppose I am indeed feeling a little extra brave and beautiful!

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My week in lyrics…

I’ve been home for a few days now and life has been a big awkward joke since getting back.  Its not even in a bad way either cause it’s kept me entertained to the maximum which I always do love.  Anyway, this is pretty much my week in lyrics.  Song one always leads to song two its part of the fun I suppose, for now anyway.

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